I stopped making something I wanted to, and that's ok
Very often I start writing a blog post when I reach a hurdle whether that’s creatively, through tiredness or general struggles that we all experience within our day to day lives, which pile up quickly like the clean washing at the end of my bed- known as the floordrobe. Another huge flashing neon sign comes in the form of my ability to cry at almost any music… and this time is no different.
So what was it that I quit making?…. It was a book. Over 2 years ago I started writing a book about the 100 heads challenge I completed. I thoroughly enjoyed each time I sat to write and yet I’ve decided I don’t want to anymore. And that’s ok. It wasn’t a waste of time…. but I’ve decided to share with you the parts I did finish via my blogs instead.
So here is how the book started….
100 heads challenge…. How it happened and why I started it…
We were literally a few weeks into lockdown in the UK in 2020, I was homeschooling but had also made the decision to carry on working. In our household one income does not cover our living costs, the same story for most UK households these days, so it wasn't really a choice but a necessity. Also at this point there was no talk of financial support from the government for self employed people, no such think as "furlough" for the self employed... strange these new words that become part of our vocabulary, but realistically I had no clue if people were even going to be interested in art, never mind buying it, during these unprecedented times, but I had to carry on. I wasn't about to start filling out application forms for jobs at the local supermarkets, even though at times that does sound quite appealing.
I have completed a couple of self led challenges in the past. (You can read about one on an old blog here) I am really not a competitive person at all. If I ever go 10 pin bowling, which I try and avoid due to early memories of having to wear the children's velcro versions of the shoes as a teenager because my feet were so small, anyway I digress, I will literally throw the ball and walk away. I have no interest in trying to beat someone else, or tally up scores, I prefer to challenge just myself.
In 2017 I did my first challenge, it wasn't a creative one. I just decided that any clothing I purchased had to be second hand (excluding underwear of course)- I completed the challenge and it has changed the way I have shopped to this day. You realise how repetitive highstreet shops can be, all regurgitating similar clothing at inflated prices.
In 2018, prior to me even having a whiff of anything related to pursuing art as a career, I challenged myself to draw or paint a unique piece of work from start to finish each day. I completed the challenge successfully. Well in my eyes it was a success, I actually started it on the 2nd January but did 2 drawings that day and 1 painting took me 2 days to complete, despite painting until gone 2am that day.... so at least I created every single day.
I worked my last day in April 2018, in my recruitment role, so maybe I had some sort of premonition? I really didn't appreciate what a positive challenge this would be, whilst I was in the midst of it, but it was actually this challenge that gave me the confidence to experiment and how I discovered my love of portraiture.
In 2019 I just promised myself that I would draw more, I really don't enjoy drawing as much as painting, I think half of this is just because I don't feel very accomplished at it. It wasn't a set challenge, just a commitment.
I entered 2020 again with no set challenge, soon to have reached my business' 2nd birthday, I was pretty drained, sales of my work were slowing, let’s me honest I was making a loss, finances were tight (which always makes my head and worries spiral), at the beginning of the year our son became very unwell with some mystery virus that impacted his Liver, thankfully he is fully recovered, and then not long after that my dearest grandmother was admitted to hospital with a terminal diagnosis. So 2020 didn't get off to the greatest start. I think I was in survival mode more than art mode.
So now we are back at the point where lockdown started. People were spending lots of time on social media, as some people were furloughed. some people wanted to escape etc, and as such new communities were forming on these channels. There was an artist support pledge initiative set up, whereby you sell your work for £200 or less per piece and when you reach £1000 sales you pledge to buy another artists work. I loved this idea and was fully on board, painting all sorts of smaller affordable pieces. It seemed like a great idea to build community and keep artwork accessible (definitely my thing, can't stand the snooty, popularity driven intangible side to buying art) -I think one of the first pieces I sold as a part of the initiative was of a fried egg!!
I think this is how I stumbled upon the amazing work of Lucy Pass, a fantastically skilled, humble and generous artist who I now call a friend. She was doing this challenge, the "100 heads challenge" to give her focus during lockdown and offering each piece as part of the artist support pledge. I then saw lots of other amazing artists completing a portrait challenge in similar formats.
Lucy's work is incredible and was selling quickly as well... this inspired me to try it
It of course wasn't smooth sailing. I've never had an issue with productivity, well I say that. I now known I use my productivity to try and distract from other things, but that's for another time.
There were technical challenges but also more prominently emotional experiences that I faced. Apart from a general lack of confidence in myself and my voice, I never could have predicted the other emotions this challenge would uncover. The experience may have been heightened by the fact we were in a huge period of uncertainty because of the pandemic, but these emotions were waiting there regardless I just experienced them then, rather than another point in my future.
A few examples from the challenge (above) and all of them together
This is the first excerpt from the book I started. I’ll carry on adding them here on my blog page. The 100 heads challenge was a really concentrated artistic experience with so many challenges that I’d like to share.
Grateful for you taking the time to read my writings.
with love and thanks
Flo x
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